Introduction

I don't pretend to be a psychologist. I don't pretend to have a secret window that peers in on anyone else's life. I don't lump all fluffy items together and deem everything a marshmallow. All I can say is what I know, what I have lived, what I have experienced, what I have dreamed, what I have fantasized, and what I have desired:

Fatness.

Obesity.

Corpulence.

I'm fat, and I have been since childhood. I'm more than just fat, though. I'm fat and I want to get fatter. I have daydreamed about gaining incredible amounts of weight ever since I was six or seven years old, but in a world that told me that pudgy kids were unhealthy kids, that chubby kids were lonely kids, and that fat kids were ugly kids, I grew up believing that I needed to have my head examined. In order to avoid such examination, however, I kept my desires stealthily hidden, indulging my fantasies by writing stories about gaining weight and drawing pictures of fat people in a spiral-bound notebook, hidden beneath my bed. As I grew, so did my fear of discovery. Consequently, these child-perspective stories of growing fatter along with pictures of fat people drawn in a child's hand were eternally lost in fire, carefully torn into confetti-sized pieces, and put into the "paper trash" to be burned in the backyard.

In the mid-nineties, I discovered that I wasn't the only one who needed to have my head examined. I first discovered the term BBW in my senior year of college and learned about the underground world of men who love fat women. I later learned that some of these men enjoyed seeing women getting fatter. Even more shocking, I learned that some of these men enjoyed intentionally fattening a woman up! My head was spinning! Where on earth could I FIND one of these guys? A few random searches on the internet containing terms such as BBW + gaining weight led me into the deeper underground world of feederism. It was while browsing through this internet subculture that I realized there were indeed other women like me, with deep desires of becoming extremely fat.

This blog is devoted to exploring the desires of those who want to gain, whether they live out their fantasies or not. I recognize that there are even smaller branches of fetishes that stem out of the desire to gain (or to see someone else gain), from immobility fetishes to clothes bursting fetishes, to measurement charting fetishes to wearing pig noses and oinking fetishes to humiliation fetishes to force feeding fetishes, etc. etc. etc. The list could go on for days. The people who visit this blog will likely be interested in a variety of these individualized fetishes, but what we all will have in common is the desire to add to our own girth, or to that of someone else.

In short, I would like to hear from all of you who desire to gain. As I post musings regarding my desire to gain weight, particularly in terms of my childhood, please reply and share what we have in common and what is different about our experiences. I wonder if there is a common thread that runs through us all that gives us the desire to gain or if we are all completely random. Honestly, I'm hoping to find that there are more folks out there who can say that they are "just like me" so I can set this notion of being a freak and needing to have my head examined aside.

More soon...